Psalms of Emily

I can hardly begin to express how connected that I feel to Nephi in these words of his. Every time I read this chapter I feel so close to him. I hope someday I will be able to be worthy of standing in his presence and sharing with him how deeply I felt the same things that he did. I will write my version of what I feel next to his verses: 

 15 And upon these I write the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures which are engraven upon the plates of brass. For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children.

My special children, Here in this book that I print into hard bound books for you, I write the things that are dear in my heart. Besides my God, my Savior and you- there is nothing that makes me happier in my life than the scriptures. I truly ponder the messages, the people with in them, and the revelations that I receive as I read them- I feel blessed daily that I have been blessed with technology to study deeper and faster, because I am blessed with this talent ( living in a time that the means are available to me to do this ) I am preparing books full of what I have learned from the scriptures- for you.  

 16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

My heart rejoices to learn anything that has to do with my God and there is hardly a better way to do that than reading the scriptures. When I read the scriptures the Holy Spirit teaches me and works as a cleansing agent in my life. I marvel and ponder at this process and the things I learn within the scriptures daily. 

 17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

I realize how blessed that I am to have been given the blessing of my testimony of the Book of Mormon, the temple ordinances, and living prophets. I realize how sinful I am each and everyday through sins of omission and disobedience from time to time. Given the circumstances that I have been placed in, having the fullness of the gospel; having been fully converted to Christ; my actions are displeasing to myself. Every day I hope that I will do better the next day. 

 18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.

 19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.

At all times I am aware of the ways that my enemy satan is trying to tempt and distract me from doing a better work for my God. Just when I think I have overcome one weakness I am reminded of another that I am in great need of my Savior's enabling grace. I do know with out doubt that He has helped me overcome many of my weaknesses and that He will continue sanctify me as I make His work my number one priority. 

 20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

I consider daily where I have come from, the person of my past that He allowed the atonement to change me and He taught me each step that I must take to become what He always knew that I could be. He took me from misery and He made my life beautiful, and full of light and truth that I can share for Him. 

 21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.

He showed me how He feels about each and every one of His children and finally I was able to see how He felt about me, because I am one of them. 

 22 He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.

He has protected me with the spirit when I have been persecuted for my beliefs. He has shown those whom lack faith what He can do with a person when they come to Him- through the witness of the new creature that He has made me. 

 23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.

I know that He hears my prayers. He has blessed me with answers to my questions by divine revelation in His holy house the temple.

 24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.

All day long He is on my mind and a prayer lives each moment in my heart. I pray out loud three times a day in order that I can concentrate on my words to Him more fully. As I have done there have been times that I have felt the hands of angels upon my head in great moment of need.

 25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.

When I have been in depths of sorrow He picked me up and told me to go to His mountain- the temple. There I have been given glorious promises just for myself. 

 26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?

Why with all of these blessings can I at times be sad and feel sorry for my trials? 

 27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?

I am angry at sin. I am upset when even the elect follow the lies of my enemy satan, and yet so do I! The very thing that I hate- sin - surfaces as I am angry with wrong doings. 

 28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.

I do not want to do that be upset when I see wrongs of others, because I too do this myself! This is the way my enemy thinks he can get in. 

 29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

I do not want to feel discontent because we as humans are not perfect and we will at times follow the lies that satan has put into our ears. I should not let these things probity me from doing His work in my life. 

 30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.

I am inadequate to express the admiration in my heart to Jesus Christ and God, my Eternal Father. He makes me to rejoice daily. Even amid evil, I am allowed to feel the love that He has for everyone. I am privileged to call Him my companion. I know that I am His. 

 31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?

I do know what it is like to shake at the appearance to sin and I am thankful that He will continue to show me what is wrong in this world, and I know that he will win. 

 32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!

I desire nothing more in my life than to live with Him again. I do not care what that means for me. I will accept any offering He gives me because everything that He gives is good. I do want to have my heart broken and oh how I want to be contrite. I deeply desire all that is right in His sight. I want to be strict because I want His approval. 

 33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.

My garments are my royal robes and as I keep my temple covenants they are also my royal robes of righteousness. 

 34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

I do trust in thee of my God. I will trust in thee forever and ever. There is no human being that will ever fully know the desires of my heart the way that you do, and I am thankful that it is that way. 

 35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.

        I know oh my God that you have given me every blessing that I am worthy of. I know that all the blessings that I lack have been a result of my poor choices, but I do know that you do work everything for my good. You are my rock of righteousness. I give my will gladly to you. 

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. 

" Love is the motivating principle by which the Lord leads us along the way towards becoming like Him, our perfect example. Our way of life, hour by hour, must be filled with the love of God and love for others. There is no surprise in that, since the Lord proclaimed those as the first and great commandments. It is the Love of God that will lead us to keep His commandments. And love of others is at the heart of our capacity to obey Him. "

 - Henry B. Erying , Our Perfect Example , Oct.2009 , General Conference